It doesn’t really seem like the beginning of Spring, not in these parts at least. I understand the groundhogs are split on the issue as well. But the truth is, the days are getting longer…so Spring will, eventually get here. Right?
Well, here’s hoping. And in that spirit…
Happy Imbolc…
No, you’re not seeing things. I’m reposting this because it was supposed to have comments re-enabled…yeah, it helps a lot if you hit the “save” button. *sigh*
Alternative titles: “Yeah, My Muertos are Just that Good” or “Wow, I’m THAT psychic?”
Yeah, I know. I’ve been gone awhile. I’ve got an excuse this time, and a damned good one I might add.
First, let me say that I reopened comments. They’re all going to have to be approved first…and I have no problem deleting those that I feel need to be. New year, new outlook…
Anyway…what’s been distracting me lately? Well, it’s sort of a bizarre story actually…
You’ll remember that I’m writing a book. I’ve talked a bit about it, and the characters I’ve created for it. Essentially, there are two main female protagonists…one older, one younger. Essentially, the two are facets of myself. One a younger, more innocent and less jaded me…and the other a more callous, world-weary me. Not entirely, of course, because it’s fiction…but there is an awful lot of me in both of them.
However, the younger character came to my mind because of a family member I’ve never even met.
I haven’t seen my cousin in 20 years. In fact, the last time I saw her it was an accident. We’d driven to my mother’s hometown to visit my grandparents. Now, my mother has…emotional issues…with my dad’s side of the family, so we were avoiding them pretty much at all costs. My uncle had a habit of abducting my dad or at the very least talking at him on the phone for hours at a time, and we were only there for the weekend, so he was not supposed to know we were in town.
We had driven out in two cars, and were staying at a local hotel. We were going to go out for breakfast at a little diner downtown, but we lost my parents car and had no idea where we were going. So my brothers, myself and my then-boyfriend ended up driving down the interstate a piece where we found a restaurant something like a Denny’s so we decided to just have breakfast there and then meet them back at the hotel.
Wouldn’t you know my cousin was one of the waitresses? So after the initial shock…I had already not seen her for eight years at that point…I got her phone number and was able to call her from the hotel room that night to catch up a bit. Unfortunately, time didn’t allow me to see her again.
She called me a couple of times over the years, when she thought her husband was going to be in my neighborhood on business, but again, it never worked out. So it was at least ten years since I’d even talked to her on the phone. At my family’s Christmas gathering, my youngest brother warned me she’d “found” him on Facebook. Warned me. Well, he never really knew her. He’s five years younger than me…and I’m sure he wasn’t sure what my reaction would be. Like I said, my mom has problems with that side of the family, and I think that’s worn off onto my brothers over the years.
In fact, everything I knew about her came from my mom. My dad would talk to his brother on the phone for hours, complain about things to my mom, and she’d tell me. There’s some weird unwritten rule that my dad doesn’t bring his side of the family up in front of me, but it’s apparently ok for my mom to vent about them. Whatever…
So although I deleted my Facebook page for this persona, I kept the FB page for my real life persona because it was now my only real connection to my cousin.
This is where art and life run into each other…
See, what I’d heard about her from my mom is that she and her older sister married brothers (made Christmas a bit easier, I’ll wager…only one set of gifts to buy and one holiday to celebrate!). These brothers were involved with a church…that bordered on cult. They weren’t allowed to watch TV or listen to music. They could have computers, but had to remove all non-business software. They were not encouraged to socialize with people outside of the church, to the extent that my uncle was attending services there just so that he could still be in his daughters and grandchildren’s lives. I believed what my mom said just enough, and had proof to an extent because on that fateful day when I ran into my cousin, the first introductory words out of her mouth that supposedly filled in the most important details I didn’t know about were…”I’m married, but no kids yet. We’re trying.” I was 23, she would have been 24.
She did finally have a daughter. My second cousin is now 19, and graduated high school this past summer.
At any rate, this was what I based Hope’s background on. I thought to myself…what if my cousin’s daughter was like me? What if she were Wiccan…in a fundamentalist Christian household? And so I used that background…that town, that high school, that premise to begin Hope’s story. Without ever having spoken to or met my second cousin.
In fact, Hope’s story begins the day of the rehearsal for her high school graduation where she ditches the rehearsal and rides off to take a train to visit, and hopefully move in with her aunt. Not cousin, aunt, but still…
Flash back to reality here. So I’m on Facebook, and the majority that I do with it (because it’s all but useless except for keeping in touch with people I otherwise wouldn’t) is forward memes. Most of which have to do with British Television and movies…Doctor Who, Monty Python, that sort of thing. Turns out my cousin (who obviously wasn’t in that church anymore if she’s on Facebook, right?) is divorced and not as much of a redneck hick as I thought. Yeah, I know, I stereotyped her. Bad Camylleon. At least I acknowledged I was wrong…
And it turns out my second cousin is into these things as much as she is. So based on what she was seeing from her mom’s page, she “friended” me. Which was fantastic. Naturally, when I was able to, I began to snoop about her “about” page. Under religion, she’d listed “New Age.” So I sent her a message asking her what “flavor” of New Age she was. Hinduy? Buddhisty? Christiany? Pagany? Wiccany?
The response? Yeah, she’s Wiccan.
She’s a very young Wiccan, and hasn’t really practiced much on her own yet (as with her fictional counterpart, I might add). She is, however, moving in with her fiancée in the next month or so, and looking forward to putting her studies into action. And I’m proud of her because she really *is* studying. She’s asking me questions, even…and seems to be intrigued by all sorts of different paths. In short, I *like* her.
THERE’S ANOTHER WITCH IN MY FAMILY!!!
Which is something she and I immediately grokked. We were both excited and extremely happy not to be alone in the family. Quite a few jokes about the recessive gene in our family have been flying between us.
I was looking for community. In fact, my latest reading from my only trusted advisor had said I’d be finding it soon. I doubted it. After all, I’d given up on the subject, sure that no healthy pagan community would exist for at least another 50 years or so. (I have a theory on that…) Sure, it’s a community of two, and she’s three-and-a-half hours away from me…
But she’s there.
And weirder yet, in a way she is Hope.
Maybe I always knew she was there…
Will it ever end?
Short answer…no.
Thanks to my new-found commitment to “real life,” my research has taken on a new passion. Which is good, at least in my opinion. Once upon a time, in my life at least, it wasn’t. Because I was paralyzed by it. I simply couldn’t do enough research, I never felt ready to actually “do” anything because I was so insecure, and confused, by what I was reading. There are so many opinions on what is true, what should be done, how things should be done…
Well, it’s easy to just overload your brain and end up standing completely still.
I’ve finally gotten to a place where I have a regular practice. I know, or at least think I know, what I believe. I’m sorting it out, slowly. Evaluating each belief and trying to figure out how all these apparently disparate pieces fit together, and in doing so, trying to figure out exactly where I belong. A name…as stupid as that sounds…for what it is that I do.
Right now, my research has led me into the practices of Spiritism. It’s ironic, since that’s more-or-less where my studies began way back when I was in…3rd grade or so? Because I did do an awful lot of reading on Spiritualism back in those days, along with what I would call “classical witchcraft,” you know…the persecutions, the folklore, the non-Wicca witchcraft. Oh, and vampires, big foot, and the Loch Ness Monster…because it was all neatly filed under the Dewey Decimal system in “000.” I loved that section so…as soon as I hit the “adult library,” that was inevitably where you would find me.
And where, at the tender age of 16 or so, I found my first books on Wicca…which is what eventually led me where I am today. Wherever that might be.
But Spiritism, itself, is new to me. I began researching it because a friend of mine kept saying that was what I was doing. And she was right, to a point.
The problem is, it’s still very Christian-based. Which makes sense. Spiritism was founded back in the 1860s by Allan Kardec, and had a lot to do with the table-turning and medium-fascination of post-Industrial age Europe and America. The salons of the posh were filled with these entertainments.
And yes, there were a lot of frauds discovered. Which is what I remember the most about that time period.
However, along with the frauds, there were some honest practitioners, and some connections made with the spirit world. Whether or not those spirits could be trusted…and whether or not what they said should be taken as “truth” remains to be seen, at least in my skeptical little mind. But it is fascinating to read about.
It would make sense, based on the time period of his writings as well as his geographical location, that Kardec would base his theology on Christianity. He was French, and raised Catholic, although I understand he spent quite a bit of his life prior to writing his books in Germany which would have been primarily protestant. But still, both Christian.
Thing is, most European folks at that time had little to no exposure to anything but Christianity. The most open-minded of people would have been accepting of Protestants and Catholics…but not necessarily of Jews, and would have almost no working knowledge of Hinduism, Buddhism, or even Islam…let alone anything as foreign as African Traditions or more ancient forms of Paganism. Yes, there was quite a bit written during the Victorian Era about paganism, but it was nearly always from that same tainted Christian perspective.
So I’m trying not to get my knickers knotted. 
There’s an awful lot of deep breathing involved, as well as walking away from the books once in a while.
I don’t necessarily have a problem with Christianity, per se. I understand there’s an awful lot of followers out there, and I acknowledge it as a perfectly valid religious choice. For me, however, I just know too much about the Bible to take it at all seriously, and I get irritated when a method or a theory is defended with Biblical quotes…over, and over, and over.
So there’s that.
However, it has gotten me into the mind-frame of getting back into the Biblical research I used to love so. I know, it sounds strange, doesn’t it? But I did also used to love reading all those books that took apart the Bible…the history of how it came to be, the books that weren’t included, the Popes that messed up the world…it’s all fascinating to me. I guess I’m just a sucker for punishment. I’ve an awful lot on my plate just now, though, so it will undoubtedly have to wait. See, I’ve uploaded more than 500 books to read and continue my research with…so…yeah…it’ll be a while.
Which brings me to my next point. There are *so* many 101 blogs and sites out there. Seriously. And still, so many people wanting to know where to look for information, many of whom are strapped for cash in these perilous financial times. That should be no barrier to knowledge! Don’t rely on others to interpret these tomes of knowledge for you! Go straight to the source! Learn for yourself. Keep your mind open, evaluate everything they say, and decide for yourself whether or not you agree with them…but by all means, research!
500 Ebooks I’ve downloaded…or more…and I haven’t spent a penny. Good books, too. Written by ancient thinkers as well as founders of “new movements.” There are some sites out there that are doing wonderful things to promote real knowledge and learning. As soon as I’m done typing this up, I will be reestablishing the “blog roll” on this page, but not with links to blogs that might or might not be “authorities” on the subjects they’re covering…but with links to sites with free Ebook downloads that can really help.
Just give it a try. Do some research of your own. And don’t let anyone tell you what to believe, even these authors. It’s a stepping stone to your own path, that’s all.
Technically, it could be said that what I do is “Necromancy.” After all, my primary work revolves around spirits who were, essentially, formerly human in nature. I’ve shied away from using that term because it provokes (at least in my mind) images of bearded men in long robes chanting ancient languages in smoke filled rooms surrounded by candles and strange glyphs…
Okay, so I don’t have a beard and I don’t generally wear a robe. There are definitely similarities between what I do and the “Classical Magicks” as I tend to call a loose group of “High Art” magick. You know…Hermetics, Enochian, Ceremonial…whatever you prefer to call them. The languages are different, the symbols and glyphs are different, but there is definitely a similar essence there.
Which is why I picked up this book…
I’m not going to give a review on it, not exactly. There are several reviews already over there at Amazon if you’re curious. It’s interesting to go over them as they pretty much are all 5 stars but one…but the only 1 star review has the most agreement. Give that what you will…
This book isn’t supposed to be read, it’s supposed to be used. The student is supposed to follow along Mr. Coleman’s instructions, chapter-by-chapter, without reading ahead. Only when the mission for one chapter is finished are you supposed to dare to continue on to the next. Apparently, reading ahead can destroy your ability to work his system, for whatever reason.
Being that I wasn’t really interested in learning a new system, I just went ahead and read the book. My goal here was to compare and contrast his methods with what I already do…and maybe even learn something or at the very least have some food for thought. Mission accomplished, I have to say.
First, I have to say he answered one of the questions that’s really been nagging at my mind. For ages, I’ve wanted to get more in-depth here as far as using a pendulum with the spirits. However, I couldn’t figure out how to get out of the Catch 22. You see, in order to be sure that I’m working with a non-malicious (or mischievous) spirit, I confirm with a spirit I trust. But how do you find a spirit you can trust without having a spirit you can trust? Yeah, therein lies the rub, to horribly misquote Shakespeare.
One of the first lessons in this book is in contacting the Ancestral Spirits. So, that much we have in common. For his purposes, he teaches that a Necromancer needs to find 3 Ancestral Spirits that the practitioner can work with. Not necessarily the three most recently deceased, or the three most closely related, simply 3 dead people related to the practitioner who seem open to assisting the practitioner. The Ancestral Spirits are the ones that go out and recruit the other spirits that the necromancer will use. And yes, “use” would be the correct term. As much as he relates eventually that this becomes a partnership or a friendship, I can’t say that the actual methods he uses gives me that impression at all. His methods would be more akin to training a dog to guard a house or fetch a newspaper than it would be as a “partnership.”
That aside, this is exactly what happened to me, although it was mostly accidental. By the time I’d actually begun actively working the spirits, I already had an entire host of non-related spirits around me…and now I know why. Seems that recruitment was going on even when I wasn’t aware of it.
I also suspect that one of the major theories involving “mediums” is true. Someone who is “open” becomes something of a magnet to the other side. I never really thought of myself as “open” so I never really coordinated that theory in regards to me…but…if a natural medium gift draws spiritual entities to it, I would imagine that a developed method would as well.
Like I said, food for thought, right?
Having already found a good number of spirits around me that I can trust, and one in particular who has become the group’s “spokesperson” as well as my Patroness (who may or may not be a deity…still pending on that one), I’ve never had any trouble sorting out the helpful from the not-helpful at all spirits around me. Which is a good thing, given how many there seems to be.
Now we’re getting to another point though. There are, even in Mr. Coleman’s world, spirits that aren’t helpful. He lumps them all together and calls them “trickster” spirits. I don’t much like that term. I understand trickster energy. Tricksters can be mischievous, and often a pain in the ass, but they’re not always destructive. Or I should say they aren’t destructive without a point. Tricksters will run you ragged, they’ll taunt you and tease you and push your limits to the farthest reaches, but they always have a point to the exercise. Yes, they occasionally “punish,” but it’s more, again, in the way of classical conditioning. You don’t get what you want or need until you’ve learned the lesson.
Lemme say, I’ve seen this over and over and over and over…
So this has helped me to begin developing my own spiritual “hierarchy.” Not so much a hierarchy as it doesn’t have so much to do with superior/inferior spirits, but a recognition that there are several “flavors” of spirits out there. Here’s my list: Beneficial, Neutral, Trickster, Mischievous (but not trickster), Malicious, and Malignant.
More on that later…;-) I don’t want this post getting too far away from me!
Mr. Coleman has some interesting tips on when a spirit is a Trickster, and I have to say I’m torn on this one. I believe he has a lot of cut-and-dry ideas which have some basis in truth, but there are always exceptions to rules, at least in my world.
His favorite method to determine if a spirit is a trickster is based on what that spirit tells you. If it’s useful information, it is not a trickster. However, if it goes rambling off on nonsensical pseudo-spiritual information, guess what? It’s a trickster.
Very interesting, as this would mean that all those new age channelers are channeling tricksters, right? Everything we’ve been told about Atlantis, Lemuria, and Avalon would be nonsense, right? Seth would be a trickster. Also, almost every spirit that has been documented by the various Spiritist and Spiritualist churches would be tricksters as well.
I truly believe there is some truth in his theory. Given how many people I’ve come into contact with who are receiving information from this spirit and that…and yes, I think many of those spirits have their humans chasing their tales, for the sheer fun of it. There’s an awful lot of bunk out there, given by supposedly earnest spirits for the well-being and enlightenment of mankind that just doesn’t ring true.
However, I have been reading a spiritist book that was written through automatic writing. The vast portion of this text would fall under Mr. Coleman’s definition of a trickster, sure enough. It’s primarily regarding the problems in modern society, and waiting for the end times and the restoration that will happen afterwards with everyone happy and frolicking and so forth. There’s an awful lot of Jesus love in that book. Thing is…the spirit who was being channeled had been a nun TWICE in her recent incarnations. So…it would make sense that her personality would still cling to those ideas. She loved the Christ and the Church enough to spend two separate lifetimes in the convent.
I guess what I’m saying here is that we need to remember to consider the source.
Of course, sometimes the source is confused, or lying. But that’s a post for a different day.
Another gem of information as well as meaty food for thought…that the first discipline a necromancer needs is to be aware of their own thoughts. To understand their own personality completely, and every influence on it, from psychological to zodiac. Because it is extremely simple for spirits to influence humans. And they do. Sometimes for the sheer fun of it, according to Mr. Coleman. The best protection is to thoroughly understand which thoughts are your own, and which ones could be coming from outside sources.
I got to say I agree with him there. Since I began working with human entities, at least, I’ve realized how easily influenced we are. Otherwise, I wouldn’t get the results I do. 
Spirits are non-physical, so their influence on the world around us has to be non-physical in nature. It’s not like they can actually change things themselves. No, they have to influence humans to change it for them. And they do.
Wow, that was an easy bit of “logic”, eh?
There are some other little snippets of advice I was able to glean from this book. Some interesting methods of preventing spirits from entering certain areas, useful incense blends to get rid of negative spirits, were just a couple. Some of them I’d heard of, others were slightly new.
It’s also interesting because although I definitely would consider his methods “classical conditioning,” and he does insist that anyone wanting to practice necromancy needs to have a firm background in “magic,” there’s not a lot in the way of pomp-and-circumstance. It’s time-consuming, I’ll say that. The entire book, if done correctly, would likely take well over a year to get through. And it’s monotonous. Incredibly monotonous. Some of the training methods are downright annoying. So it’s all-in-all definitely not my cup of tea.
But I’ve certainly learned from it. I’m still assimilating some of the thoughts. We’ll see what comes of this on down the road…
Recently, my path took a rather abrupt turn. Not so abrupt, really, I suppose. There are some people who know me who’ve seen this particular twist in my path coming for a long time now. Isn’t it funny how other people can see your life so much more clearly than you can your own sometimes?
At any rate, first I found myself veering away from the recently well-trodden Wiccan pathway. I declared myself “pagan” and kept on going. Then I found myself at another crossroads when I first encountered an individual entity. There was no mistaking Her…seriously. She had a different persona, and was definitely separate from “Others” of Her kind. So I grabbed the “polytheist” label for myself and took that road.
I didn’t know what to expect. Who does? When I started on this path, it had less traffic than other pagan paths, but there were a few. Many seemed to be walking alongside me, no further down that path than I was myself. A couple had bounded ahead, and a few struggled behind, but it was fun to talk to people who had similar struggles, comparing notes and learning together.
It took some doing, but I was able to assimilate some of my other practices into this new-found label. After all, the Santeria I had already been initiated in was primarily monotheistic. The Orishas are not gods, but elevated spirits, which is why they were syncretized to saints. Or so it was explained to me. So I stumbled about, and sort-of crammed a monotheism into my polytheism, and kept on walking. It worked, kind of. I limped more than walking or running, but I was still moving, right?
Still, something naggled at the back of my head. Something didn’t quite work. You’ve all seen it, here on this blog, my struggles and my changes. I began to embrace that what I do, what I’ve been doing all along, is spiritism. Because I began to realize that even those “gods” that I had interactions with allllllllll those months ago weren’t really what I had always thought a “god” to be. What is a god, after all? It’s a term we throw about with really no understanding, and a term that has been somewhat tainted by the Abrahamic faiths. I don’t seriously believe that the ancient what-have-you-pagans thought of their gods as being omnipotent, omniscient beings. The myths just don’t hold that up.
There was, in nearly every culture I’ve ever read about anyway, a god for this and a god for that. They were flawed. They were sometimes crazy. Sometimes they had awesome powers and sometimes it seemed as though they had completely abandoned their followers. Some just appeared, some came from other gods, some were adopted from other cultures, and some were elevated humans or deified ancestors.
So I am now convinced that these spirits, more often than not, are not gods. They are certainly different from us mere mortals, and often have abilities that make us swoon, but they’re not deities. Elevated spirits, perhaps, but definitely not like good ole Yahweh and his buddies.
Things are falling into place in my head. Why my “gods” don’t expect worship from me, for example. Offerings, yes. Even then, they don’t expect it or demand it…that’s why they’re “offerings.” I offer it to them out of the goodness of my heart and a love for them, not out of some sort of expectation they have or from need for whatever it is I’ve offered. They can, and do, live well without anything at all. In fact, in the times when I’ve slipped up and haven’t been as conscientious as I ought to be with my daily rituals, they’ve still gotten my back when I’ve needed them. Because the love is still there, no matter how chaotic my life is, they know I’m there for them. And they’re there for me.
I have been very, very fortunate. Because in my learning, and in my experiences, I have found that not all these spirits are necessarily benign. They don’t all love humans. There’s quite a few out there waiting to mess with us, creating havoc and in general ruining our lives for the sheer fun of it. Accidentally, purely accidentally, I have managed to navigate my way around most of these spirits. Believe me, I’ve run into them. I didn’t think too much of it at the time when it happened because I was fortunate enough to have some excellent human guidance as to how to handle it. But I’ve been mucking about with spirits without understanding too much of what I was doing. Mostly because my studies haven’t been focused in that direction in prior days. I was happily jumping around from here to there, studying rune lore and mythology and even supernatural creatures for the fictional book I’m writing. I wasn’t really paying attention to what I had started to practice.
What I am actually practicing is spiritism. I still think of it as pagan spiritism or polytheistic spiritism or even folk spiritism because I am still profoundly non-Christian in my beliefs. I’m going to have to do some more difficult assimilating now, because my beliefs and those of standard spiritism differ here. I just don’t feel comfortable praying for the souls of my spirits; I don’t believe in sin and I don’t see a need for getting them into the Christian “heaven.” *sigh* And much of what I understand is written about spiritism involves a heavy use of Christian prayers. Not my cup of tea, you know?
I have already managed to make peace with my beliefs in reincarnation. The soul can certainly be in more than one place at a time, so the fact that I speak to my ancestors while they may have already reincarnated is really not an obstacle anymore.
My studies have now lead me down a different path. I’m not giving up reading on all the other topics that interest me, but I’m going to focus my studies in this arena for quite some time. I need a better knowledge of exactly what I’m up against: Where are the pitfalls, how to handle problematic spirits, how to protect myself and so on.
The first book I’ve been reading on this subject lately is not necessarily “spiritism” per se, but necromancy. It’s fascinating how similar and yet how different it really is. It’s making my mind whirl around with strange thoughts about how similar spiritism can be to things like the Hermetic practices, for instance…fascinating how the “high magick/low magick” arguments have a parallel to dealing with spiritual entities.
But of course, that’s a post for a different day.
Yeah, this is a “change” in my life that’s really not a change. It’s not a fork in the road as much as it was a slow, gradual merging into a different lane. But I’m here, embracing it, and ready for wherever this particular trail leads off to.
One week from today, or thereabouts, I will be deleting the Facebook account that goes to the name I use on this blog. This was my first decision.
It took a while for me to realize it, but I have to say that most of my problems began when I set up that account. It really does expose the worst of humanity. People who are otherwise considerate, intelligent, well-spoken bloggers become dithering drama-needing morons via Facebook. I don’t understand it. I have seen this transformation far too many times now to try to deny it.
I do not need that Facebook account. I have a “RL” Facebook account, which is more than anyone really should have, honestly. Even there, I’m more conservative than most about who I “friend” or who I allow to “friend” me. *shrug* There are more people on this planet who don’t need to know anything about me than there are those who do.
For those of you who only contact me through that Facebook account, send me a message and I’ll send you alternative contact information. No, it won’t necessarily be that other Facebook account. Sorry. I don’t want this nonsense happening again.
You’ll also notice, if you’re observant , that I’ve removed all the links from this page. Please don’t be offended by that. It doesn’t mean that I hate you or anything. I’ve just come to the conclusion that this blog used to be about me; my ideas, my thoughts, my studies. Somehow I got sucked into the high-school-prom-queen-popularity-contest mentality that seems to be viral with pagan blogs. If we’re not bound and determined to be BNPs, we’re still paralyzed by an insane need to be popular, often at the expense of someone else. I got carried away, I admit it. Sometimes I added people to the blog roll, even though I disagreed strongly with some of the things they said, simply because they’d followed my blog. It was out of hand.
I’ve also decided, again, that you (as in my beloved reader) don’t need me to tell you what to read. You can find, as easily as any one else, the bigger-than-big pagan blogs out there. You can use the tag surfer on WordPress just like anyone else. Besides, who am I to tell you which blogs are good, and which ones aren’t?
Not to mention, I did notice that I seemed to pick up a bit of a stalker. everywhere I go…there’s my stalker. So, I thought it would be nice not to see my stalker’s little icon everywhere I go. If the stalker doesn’t know where I am, hopefully, that will not be a problem anymore. I can dream, right?
I’ve also unsubscribed from the vast number of blogs I was subscribed to. I didn’t do that to offend anyone. Often, I subscribed because I liked the blogger, not necessarily the blog…someone who had left me a friendly comment, or again in return for “a follow”. And as much as I may like all of you on a personal level, I don’t follow Kemeticism, and never will so I have little need to read those posts, y’know? So if you’re writing a blog on a topic that I’m simply not interested in at the moment, I’ve unsubscribed. I’ve also unsubscribed from a number of people that I simply do not agree with. I know. *gasp* It happens, believe it or not. Again, out of some misguided sense of social propriety, I had subscribed to a number of blogs when the truth is I just don’t agree. Also, a number of blogs that I subscribed to long, long ago before I realized I simply can not tolerate the author. Even on occasion just unsubscribing because I don’t have the time or the inclination to read blogs anymore.
Why would that be? Well, to put it simply, garbage in-garbage out. I’ve been far more careful these days with what I allow my mind to process, and I find it’s running cleaner, smoother, faster, and amazingly more spiritual than it has in years. I can simply not afford to be distracted by the world of UPG anymore, especially as often as I disagree with it. Not that it matters whether or not I disagree with a blogger…everyone has the right to their own beliefs. But not only did I find my own beliefs had been somehow tainted, but the irritation, anger, and frustration that occurred when I read something that I knew was wrong…and also knew that person (and their readers) would never listen to me anyway…because you know, after 6 months to 2 years of actual practice, their UPG was just so awesome…
Yeah, that irritation is more than I want to deal with. I like being calm, peaceful, and purposeful so much better. And I intend to stay this way.
As far as the rest of it…obviously I’m not going to stop blogging. 
I am going to close the comments on anything spiritual. I’m sorry…I’ve just got to do it. My friends who know me, the bloggers I’ve gotten close to, you’ll find ways of reaching me if you have something to say. For the rest of you, if you have your own blog, feel free to state your comments and opinions there. If I care, I’ll read it. If I don’t, I won’t. *shrug* There’s a place for my opinions and beliefs…and that is here. There is a place for yours…and that is there.
I’m sorry if this sounds cold. I just need to reassert myself, and some rules, for this blog.
The truth is, I’m tired. I’m tired of the spiritual pissing contest that is the internet pagan “community.” I’m tired of the posing, posturing, and circle-jerking that goes on. I’m tired of people proclaiming truths when they have no idea what they’re talking about, and people proclaiming your truths aren’t right because it’s not in a book. I’m tired of absolutes and I’m tired of people with no rules at all. I’m tired of social ostracism, and pagan elitism. I’m tired of people stealing elements from traditions with no respect at all for the tradition they’re stealing from or the elements they’ve stolen, simply mutating spirits and rituals into some sort of twisted mockery of what they ought to be…and proclaiming it truth because they know, even though it flies in the face of everything that I know.
Worst of all…I’m tired of remaining silent because it was more important to be liked than to speak the truth. After all, no one was likely to listen to me, right? They’re going to do their own thing anyway, right?
Well, yeah. And they still will. But that’s no excuse for not speaking up, not saying what needed…what still needs to be said. Because maybe someone…just one person might have listened. Maybe I could have saved just one person from making a horrible mistake. And maybe not. Either way, I need to start speaking my truth, because no one else is ever going to do it for me.
I disappeared again, didn’t I?
I’m sure a couple of you might have noticed it. I’ve been gone for…almost 2 months now, I guess. Those of you who didn’t notice, probably just did. Sometimes we don’t notice people who have gone until they come back.
Only I’m not sure how long I’m back for.
So…yeah, long story. And since I do have a handful of loyal readers here (or did, before the absence…) and even a couple of people I would dare to call “friends” (even if it is only the internet…) I feel I owe at least a bit of an explanation. As much of one as I can manage, at least.
Now, knowing that I never give the short version of these things, you might want to grab a beverage of your choice and pull up a comfy chair. Get yourself sitiated…
Ready?
Okay. This didn’t start out as a planned absence. Not even close. I had a head cold. A simple plugged up nose…plugged up enough that I occasionally had trouble swallowing. Its amazing how breathing affects swallowing. but I digress…
I’m not the kind of person who generally broadcasts things like that. Sure, they’re miserable, but even the worst cold is a temporary situation. *shrug* I’m no drama queen…I’m not going to blast the details of my snot-ridden face all over the internet for pity or commiseration…or whatever. But, well, I couldn’t breathe, swallow, or think properly so I did have to take a break. I still signed on, looked over the FB page, giggled at a few memes, but kept my interactions at a bare minimum. I figured I’d get back to the virtual world when I felt better. No one would even miss me for a measly week, right?
Then I had a date with my parents to head into The Big City to go to a museum I hadn’t been to in 10-15 years or so. And although it is properly called “The Museum of Science and Industry,” mom and I only really wanted to see ONE exhibit, the rest was icing on the cake. That exhibit?
The Fairy Castle. Oh, yeah…I was obsessed with this thing as a kid. Even had a book, which was apparently lost over the years or over the moves or whatever. Don’t worry. It’s been replaced.
The week after that, was hubby’s vacation. We don’t do the one-big-vacation thing. We rent a car (ours are both easily old enough to legally drink in this state), and do a bunch of little things. First was the family picnic held every year on the weekend of my deceased brother-in-law’s birthday. It’s become more…well, just more…because of the addition of 1/2 BroT and his wife and kids. More fun, more conversation, more foooooood…
Normally hubby and I take my folks out to our favorite day trip tourist trap. It’s chock-full of history, tours, fancy houses, more history, and of course shopping and food. However, lately my folks have been pining to do something different. Guess they’re bored with it. *shrug* So instead we took off without them and dragged my friend along (who had a blast, needless to say). It was an entirely different trip than it is with just he and I or with my parents. Every time we go there, I swear it’s new again…
But we couldn’t leave my folks out. So we packed up the car again on a different day and went south instead of west…and stumbled on a tour of a house…and a garden…that made my soul ache. Seriously. Unending gardens, beautiful…just beautiful…I am quite speechless, truthfully. Looked like nothing from the outside; just another house in another suburban neighborhood. When we got there I was determined to be disappointed. That did not last at all. AND we were quite pleased to find somewhere that actually had proper pork tenderloin sandwiches…something we don’t find in our area very often (except maybe at Culver’s and I refuse to call those “proper”!) Here, I was beginning to think it was an Iowa thing (parents both grew up along the Iowa side of the Mississippi) but I’m suspicious now that it might be a River thing…hmm…
We finished off the week driving about an hour to a popular hunting/fishing store to buy ourselves a real dehydrator. The first one we’d gotten died immediately after the first batch. (What we get for spending only $30 on a dehydrator) At least it lasted long enough for me to figure out how to use it, and that I did indeed enjoy using it, and that it would be a practical thing to buy…before we blew the big bucks on one that will last more than a month.
Those things are not cheap!
After that whirlwind, I realized I hadn’t even been online for another complete week. Thing is, I didn’t miss it. At all.
Then some other things popped up. I attended my first Misa, and I believe I can comfortably say I have a Madrina now. I have a house. It’s weird to say, strange to put it out there publicly like this, but it is true. It was a hard road, and I’m not completely over everything that happened with my Padrino, but I really trust her and feel good about how she handles things. I’m half-ready for another problem to come up…but I think I will always be partially emotionally prepared for that from now on. It was an awful hard lesson learned. Better to be prepared than to be taken unawares.
FiL had some legal issues…that shouldn’t have involved us as they had to do with his former employer…but they did. And do. And that was sucky. HOWEVER…
It got me off my ass. In a big way. The Spirits work, and work fast. And I can comfortably say that if your life isn’t improved by your religion (not perfect…but improved), you’re doing something seriously wrong.
Best yet, Hubby’s starting to warm up. He’s still so hurt by his brother’s death, and all the deaths of all those who have been close to him in his family, but he’s beginning to understand, feel, and take care of his Beloved Ancestors as well. It does my heart so much good to see the healing he’s going through! *sigh*
Then NaNoWriMo hit. And I did commit to it, and although I haven’t posted any updates here or on FB…my current number is 19,390. I’ll be chopping at it again today…and either tomorrow or Saturday. I have been able to get out between 6,000-7,000 words in each sitting of 3-4 hours, so I’m feeling extremely confident that I’ll be able to do this.
So confident, in fact, that I’ve realized that if I just sat down like this twice a week…not only would the first and second book be finished by now, I’d likely be working on the third one. That was a slap in the face; not a violent slap…the kind of slap generally given someone to shake them out of a delusion or stop hysterical women from screaming. You know the kind of slap I’m talking about. A reality slap.
And that’s just it. I realized over the last couple of months that I wasn’t really living my life. “Get busy living or get busy dying” as Mr. Freeman says in “Shawshank.” I spent hours and hours and hours and hours online…either glued to Twitter or Facebook or WordPress or all of the above. Even when I wasn’t posting anything. My life was revolving around the internet…
I didn’t realize until after the sabbatical that even before the head cold, I had lost my passion for this blog. When Real Life started to get so very frantic I finally figured it out. Not only had I broken the Internet addiction, but I discovered that I was so horribly off-track here…so that when things started to slow down (a bit, anyway)…I didn’t feel the urge, the pull to come back here and post. After reflection, I realized why.
See, I haven’t been posting for myself in ages. My focus, for at least a year now, has been on what you want to read, not on what I have to say. Not only that, but because I think of so many of you fondly, and I have this sick need to be liked, I have been withholding my real opinions and feelings on subjects because I simply don’t want to offend or hurt anyone.
I’ve restricted my own freedom of speech. This is so not healthy.
I’ve never wanted to be a “Big Name Pagan,” but the insane need to be liked is so strong in this one…that it seems to override everything else. I get extremely bothered (believe it or not, and I know many people don’t) when I think someone doesn’t like me.
I need to get over that. I’m not in kindergarten anymore, for Pete’s sake.
But I now find myself at a bit of an impasse. I know my audience, and know many of you semi-personally. I know that, although I realize this weakness, it won’t be as easy to defeat as it is to identify. So I’m likely to keep going as usual should I keep this blog.
I could…use this blog for light and fluffy, non-personal, happy-ramblings and bits about writing…
I could…close the comments and just jump in…
I could…let the blog sit unloved for some time until I felt it safe to go back into the water…
I could simply delete it and start over elsewhere, under some other pseudonym and hope this doesn’t happen again…
I’m still undecided. I’ll let you all know when I figure it out.
Snark is the great past time of our age, isn’t it? The Internet seems as though it was built for it. Snide remarks from the sidelines, brilliant volleys of wit across forum battlegrounds, virtual bitch slaps of sarcasm
Some forums have become showrooms for the snark master. Places where the true Snark Artiste go to demonstrate their skill and match wits one against the other. Many of these web sites are more entertaining than anything on television. I’ll admit, I watch. I’m a massive Regretsy fan. Those participants have definitely elevated snark to an art form…
But there’s a time and a place. Or should be, although it would seem few realize it.
Few would seem to have a care for the innocent bystander in these wars. Heaven(s) forbid that someone ask a serious question in a forum that’s supposed to be helpful…
A newbie asks a question. Something simple and innocent, betraying their status as the uninitiated. What offerings to give to a deity, when to give offerings, what their patron has told them, whether or not a book is good…
And the snark begins.
So many internet participants would rather dazzle their allies with their wit and intellectualism. They’d rather spew out their knowledge in bits of hostile repartee than be truly helpful.
It starts with just one snarky comment…and here comes the landslide. One after another, escalating as battles often do, the viciousness of comments becoming more and more severe.
No one even pays attention to the original comment after three or four posts. They’re too busy showing off. The thread dissolves into a pissing contest of wit, sarcasm, and snark.
Yeah, that’s real helpful, there.
The newbie is, predictably, changed for the experience. Either they will never show their face in that forum again, they will never show their face online again, or they become one of the initiated…snarking with all the other snarks in the ocean.
Even when there is no newbie present, there is snark. After all, these people are soooooo tired of newbies asking all these stupid questions!
Again, intellectual posturing. By making a statement like this, the poster is proclaiming to one and all how brilliant s/he is. After all, if they weren’t so bloody brilliant, newbies wouldn’t be bothering them, now would they?
“Look at all my trials and tribulations…” from Jesus Christ Superstar floats through my head every time I see someone write something like that.
It’s all about attention, isn’t it? The Internet…land of Attention Whores…and ego circle-jerks. It’s not just about the Manipulated and the Manipulators…no. Other people, who may be perfectly normal in every other way, go to the Internet for their daily ego fix. They raise theirs by bashing others into the ground.
Of course it’s that way in real life as well. I’ve often found that the old saying “misery loves company” is less about miserable people bonding together and more about miserable people trying to make people miserable…because that makes them feel good. Superior. The problem here is that it creates a chain reaction…one after another people will create misery which then explodes exponentially throughout communities.
Road rage, anyone?
On the other hand, people with generally kind, polite, sunny dispositions are often dismissed as being “dim.” Big mistake, that. Just because they don’t fall for the predatory snare of the average snark-baiter or misery-breeder doesn’t mean they’re stupid. Honestly.
They have simply found a far better use of their intellect.
If you get right down to it, I’d prefer to spend time with someone who is “dim” and nice than someone who is “smart” and cruel. Apparently, I’m in the minority there. I have found that in seeking out the kind, the nice, the polite…I have far more often found the intelligent and the wise than the opposite.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve said I love a good argument and I mean it. But by that, I mean a “good” argument. A mutual back-and-forth with someone who is intellectually equal, but might stand on a different side of the fence from myself on any number of subjects, that doesn’t devolve into snark or insults. Arguing with people I respect…who respect me…is titillating, exiting, and exhilarating. Sometimes I even learn a thing or two from it. Those arguments also keep me intellectually limber, and give me a chance to evaluate my own beliefs.
After all…if you can’t defend your stand, do you really believe it? Sometimes I don’t realize I don’t believe something until I argue about it. Even if it is with myself…(as in my apology to the Godspouses!)
If I actually involve myself in a debate/argument with you, take it as high praise. Very high praise indeed. I find you worthy of stimulating dialog. This is a high compliment, and a mark of deep and profound respect…I think you’re smart and nice and I don’t think you’ll dive off the deep end into snark-infested waters. You have something to offer…and can challenge my own opinions on whatever subject I attempt to involve you in. Not everyone is able to discuss/debate/argue on that level.
Somehow, in this urge to be witty, there’s been a loss of being wise.
“Is this a hill you want to die for?”
When I have an inclination to argue, this is something I try to ask myself. Because sometimes the answer is “no.” The subject isn’t important enough to start a battle over.
“Would you rather be right or happy?”
If the person on the other side of the subject is going to be right in that glorious, self-obsessed sort of way (like many an Evangelist), then there is no point at all to the dialog. I am right…for me…and I have no need to get into a tedious, soul-wrenching, screaming, name-calling tantrum to attempt to convert them to my way of thinking. I would much rather be happy.
And furthermore…from the movie (and play) Harvey:
“Years ago, my mother used to say to me, she’d say ‘In this world, Elwood, you can be oh so so smart, or oh so pleasant.’ Well, for years I was smart… I recommend pleasant. You may quote me.” –Elwood P. Dowd
I need to say here…when I refer to forums, I don’t mean all of them. I have one particular forum in mind, yes. And many know which one I had in mind. I don’t want to say because although there are most certainly snarks in that water, not everyone who participates is actually a snark. I am *not* referring to the forum I have just joined recently, either…which has proven to be such a lovely, snark-free, attitude free respite from all the other forums I have ever found. I’m not going to post the name of that one, either. I like it just the way it is….yeah, I’m selfish like that. 
EVERYBODY!
“Drama everywhere, manipuli manipulah…”
I have been wanting to post about this almost since the beginning of my adventure as a blogger. For one reason or the other, I’ve put it off. In the back of my head, the worries are swirling. There is often the tendency for people I’m not talking about in these type of posts to assume it’s about them…and for the people I am referring to not get it at all. It might have been helpful to someone along the lines…or not.
Isn’t it interesting that the first people to ask/demand for help are the last ones to actually use it? And the people who truly need help and would accept any information or assistance, who would gladly listen to good advice, take it into consideration and use it are the last ones to ask? So it goes.
So it is with mild trepidation that I begin this post, hoping it doesn’t fall on blind eyes. This is another one of my theories. If you’re not familiar with the way I work, just think of it in scientific terms. I begin with a hypothesis…test and smash the helloutta it. If it survives, it moves on up to the land of theory where it will sit and be assumed true until I can prove otherwise. They’re not fact, just…well, theories.
Here goes my theory on Spirit Workers/Walkers and what have you.
There seems to be three distinct types of people involved, or claiming to be involved with Spirits. (I’m using the term Spirits here as an all-inclusive term so I don’t have to say Gods/Orishas/Lwa/Angels/Demons/Saints/Ancestors/Dead/Land Wights…etc…every single time. It’s just too long a list to include everyone!)
I’m going to tackle the worst one first. Let’s just get this out-of-the-way, okay?
The Manipulator/The Attention Whore: This type is far more prevalent on the Internet where there is the possibility of a lot more attention. These people are not now actually working with any Spirit, but fake it well Okay, some fake it better than others. This isn’t really hard to do, when cloaked behind the anonymity of the Internet. There are also some who run around in real life pretending to be contacted or mounted or horsed by this Spirit or that, but not as many. I’ve seen them…don’t get me wrong. I’ve encountered my fair share of fakers in real life.
In real life, they’re just easier to spot.
These people will often claim they have some piece of authentic knowledge and will scream louder than many who are truly in contact with Spirits. Because first…the squeaky wheel does get the grease, which is after all what they are after. Also…many of them fall into the logic that the louder they scream, the more seriously they will be taken.
Many of these will have the tendency to approach other spiritually inclined individuals with messages from their Spirits…without any provocation. After all, they have to let everyone know how special they are. And that’s what it boils down to. A deep seeded need for attention, a need to be different, a need to be important.
They very often follow the hottest fad…whichever Tradition has the most followers at any time, or the most controversial path because, again, it’s all about attention.
They’re not often alone, either. You’ll sometimes find tight-knit little groups of them. Pardon this crass expression, but circle jerks of attention whores, little cliques where they feed off their mutual dramas.
The attention-whores actually fall into two groups; the ones that simply need attention, and the ones with more nefarious motives. Because these same methods are occasionally used to get money from innocent Spiritual Workers who are on similar paths. Whether by grifting or from trying to sell dubious products or services, they will manipulate people into believing their lies. You’ve been cursed, someone’s working against you…or they’ve been cursed, someone’s working against them.
It’s just as bad when they steal your energy as it is when they steal your money. Don’t fall for it. The best advice I can give is to stay as far away as is humanly possible. This type of person will take everything you give, and never be any better for it.
The Manipulated: Paganism is no longer fluffy. Many of us now profess to be hard-polytheists, believing in individual Spirits. There isn’t a lot of training out there for us. We read and read and read but when it comes down to actually dealing with Spirits, we’re often on our own. The lore has, more often than not, been lost or at the minimum buried beneath the rubble of fallen civilizations.
We try, faithfully, to figure it all out. But there’s a moment of excitement that happens when we receive that first contact. When an entity finally contacts us, and we think our “godphones” have finally been turned on. Some of us have embraced entities without checking their references. We grab that Spirit, love that Spirit, welcome him/her/it into our lives without a second thought. Because we are now special. We just do the happy-pagan-dance and move on.
The truth is there are some not-nice Spirits out there, and some plain old lost ones.
In Spiritism, I have learned that occasionally a Spirit will be “lost.” They don’t know who they are. So when we assume that the Spirit is…fill in the blanks…they don’t honestly know that they aren’t. And they will act accordingly, allowing us to help form them into the Spirit we think they are. Maybe they can keep it up. Maybe they can’t. Eventually many of these will fail, leaving the worker with a sense of abandonment. That’s the lesser of the two evils.
The other kind of Spirit is a truly manipulative force who will lie about who they are. They will suck us into a false sense of security, even helping us out and changing our lives for the better until…
They pull the rug out from underneath. Why? Who knows. We can barely understand humans, how can we expect to understand this type of Spirit? I only know that they are out there…yes, I’ve had my run-ins with them myself. I only know that this kind of Spirit will leave a person languishing, without any Spiritual foundation, in the depths of a loss of faith that can seem unending.
And they are out there.
The third type of Spirit Worker is, of course, simply defined as neither of the above. Their Spirits are true. They walk a path, communicate with who they intend to communicate with, and are reasonably untroubled by Spiritual shenanigans. That doesn’t mean that their lives aren’t troubled. It doesn’t mean that their Spirits don’t test them or push the boundaries of their abilities. True Spirits are parental in nature…not just wanting the best for us, but wanting us to be the best we can be. So those roads are often filled with potholes, pebbles, and detours.
Yes, there are ways to determine if a Spirit is manipulative, or lost. I would assume that every Tradition actually has a way of doing this. I know mine…and there are ways to determine if a person is truly mounted in real life. (Pretty simple really, all you need is a pin…) There are also methods involving logic to ask questions of individuals that you doubt are working with Spirits at all. But I wouldn’t advise it. If you suspect that someone is up to no good, just stay away. It’s the safest route, really. Because if they’ll use spiritual matters to manipulate people, they’re not above using mental, emotional, or physical.
Again, this is all purely theoretical…and open to adjustment or even disposal at any time. I like being flexible.
Yeah, it happens. I’m only human after all. I have prejudices, biases, and knee-jerk reactions just like the next human.
Fortunately, I don’t normally verbalize them. Most of my judgments are kept pretty close to my chest. Because I know myself. I know how I am. I allow myself room to change my mind. If I were to speak, or to write, my biases out for everyone to see or hear, it would be much harder to change my mind. I would be roped into my own bleak world. I would have to fight against the friends I had made who shared that prejudice…which causes drama.
I hate drama.
So I have learned something valuable, and that is to keep these thoughts to myself, for the most part. I’m sure one or two has snuck out over the years…but nothing earth-shattering. Nothing that has rounded up vile snark attacks around me.
That doesn’t mean that I didn’t think these thoughts, or that an apology is not in order.
So let me apologize…right now to all my friends who are Godspouses. Because at first I thought you were all completely out of your minds.
Let me set the stage a bit.
For two years prior to starting this blog, I was completely disconnected from the “pagan scene.” For five years prior to that I was active in real life, but not on the internet at all. Prior to that…I haunted many, many, many chat rooms and email groups involving paganism but most of them were at that point very Wicca-centered.
So it was an eye-opening experience, to say the least, when I started floating around various blogs based on the “pagan” tag and found all these Godspouses. It was something foreign, and new, and just…well, weird.
I was confused. It seemed there were so many Godspouses out there. So…very…many…and many predominantly wives of Loki. There are others, of course, but the Lokeans seem to be the most vocal on the blogs, at least.
Some of them were, honestly, bat-shit crazy. But there were others…and are others…who are so very much together that if I hadn’t read that they were Godspouses, they would seem incredibly normal. Not just normal…which for pagans is pretty damn rare right there…but together, educated, well-read, and even wise. Many of you know your shit. You don’t rely completely on UPG although you bandy it about quite a bit. But that’s not the end of it. You know your lore, the mythology in which you live, better than many a recon.
Color me surprised.
So I faced down my initial reaction. I had to confront a prejudice, stare it down, and beat it into submission. Because it was wrong. Plain, old wrong.
Some of the battle came about in a discussion with a good friend, some of it with myself (as I often argue with myself), and some with discussion with my Peeps. I’m gonna lump all this talking into one conversation for ease of reading. It went something like this:
These Godspouses are nutburgers.
Not all of them. You didn’t even realize some of them were Godspouses when you originally began reading their blogs.
Yeah, but they’re all about UPG. I’m up to my ears with freakin’ UPG. No one ever checks their UPG, they just run with it. I think they’re just pulling shit out of their asses.
You do the same thing.
Yeah, but I check my UPG against my Traditions and verify it with my Spirits.
These guys know what they’re talking about. Look…she’s quoted the Edda and he’s quoting all sorts of ancient manuscripts. They’ve done their research.
Well, some of them have. I’ll give you that. But they have sex with their spirits.
Not all of them. Besides, there’s…
That doesn’t count. He’s not a deity.
But what exactly is a deity?
Fine. Still…it’s weird.
There’s lots of documentation that this sort of thing happened. The mythology is full of humans mating with deities…and you know that mounting does happen…and could happen in sexual ways. Remember what your friend said about…
Ok. So there’s some basis to the whole sex thing. It’s just…well, weird.
And you’re not?
Ouch. But it’s not like I sit on the couch with Eleggua cuddling…
No, but he wanted to watch television. Remember? And you’re supposed to take him for walks around so he knows the area he’s in and all that. He likes to get out once in a while. None of these guys are carrying a cement head around. Think about what they must think of that…
Yeah, I suppose. Still, they consider themselves “married.” I mean…in the myths, the gods had sex with humans but I don’t remember many tales of marriage. Except for ones that didn’t end well, that is…
You’re married to an Orisha. You’ve had your Cofa. That makes you a wife of Orula.
I forgot about that. So I’m a Godspouse too then…
Yeah, and you’re supposed to be getting married to a Lwa soon, too…
*sigh* You’re right. I’m wrong. Fine.
So…even though I don’t think I ever said anything offensive publicly…I feel in my heart that I must publicly apologize for these thoughts and prejudices. Because they were…and are…wrong.
I am truly and utterly sorry. I am sorry if I did ever say anything rude or inconsiderate about Godspouses. Not just because I have realized I am one (and have been for a few years now) or am about to become one (gotta get the ring first, lol) but because it’s just plain wrong to judge someone on a knee-jerk reaction.
Sure there are a lot of lunatics claiming to be Godspouses. But then, there’s a lot of lunatics on the Internet period. Crazy people everywhere…in every religion. There are always going to be attention whores on the Internet because it’s such an excellent place to get attention. And it’s easy to pretend on the internet. You can be anyone at all…
Hell, I could be lying…
But that’s not the point. I can’t paint the intelligent, kind, well-read and educated Godspouses with the same brush of judgment I use on the whack-jobs and nutburgers.
If…like me…you’ve been standing apart and passing judgment on people’s paths without all the facts…just give them another look. Look into yourself, stare down your prejudices, and give them all a chance. Yes, you will find crazies…but they’re pretty easy to weed out. There’s some excellent people out there who just happen to be Godspouses.
And to all my Godspouse friends…from the bottom of my heart…
I am sorry.
