One of those days…when you just don’t care, don’t feel like doing anything, and there doesn’t seem to be a point to it all anyway…Yep, case of the “F-word”-its, or for the purposes of this PG13 blog post, the buckets.
I have a HUGE case of the buckets today. Partly because I had an issue chewing a large hole into the bag of my mind, and partially because I’m just energetically depleted today. And more energy depleted because I finally was able to say something about the issue gnawing on my grey matter…and although that’s a HUGE relief, I’m even more energetically drained than I was before. Leaving me feeling…well, rather flat actually.
But this brings up something that really annoys me. I’ve been home, pretty much all day. Not being currently employed, this is fairly normal. My “job” is handling the house…the usual…cooking, cleaning, unpacking boxes that we haven’t touched in the 2 years since we moved here, packing things back up that we want to get rid of…I’m sure you know the story. Not that difficult a task, since its just the hubby and I. Well, and a cat who seems to have picked up a habit of whizzing on the carpet behind my hubby’s craft table. But even then, it doesn’t take that long for me to deal with that. (I think it’s a psychological issue…particularly since she always leaves “presents” near his work area, not mine!)
That’s not what bothers me, though. Its acutally a refreshing change from the madly socially-interactive life I’ve lead for the last, oh…15-20 years or so. Here’s what’s bugging me:
I just can’t work at home. I’ve tried. It’s not working.
When I was making the jewelry, I was able to work at home. I still have it set up downstairs…color-coded containers full of beautiful beads, neat little plastic organizers packed full of findings, spools of wire, all neatly contained in a bookcase. Nice long, 8 ft table in front, book case behind, and a rolling chair so I could get back and forth between that work station and my desk next to it. Perfect. Granted, there were times I would sit and stare at the beads, findings and charms and just have no inspiration at all. But there was always busy-work I could do, set patterns I did over-and-over, or earrings…heck, one night I put together 100 pairs of earrings. Once I get started on something like that, it’s just a matter of seeing different variables…and I’m off and running.
This isn’t working with the writing. If I’m home there are a thousand-and-one distractions. I bake things, cook things, clean things. I check Facebook, almost compulsively. I play CityVille. I’m completely lame. Aside from that, I’ll pop in here and check my stats (still trying to figure THAT all out. I seriously do not believe as many people are reading this as the stats says are!) and kill endless hours playing other PC games. Just this morning, I think I played about 10 rounds of Mahjong Titans alone, not counting how much time I spent playing SimCity (got the craving from playing CityVille. I’m soooo lame!) There are also people to talk to, either online or on the phone. I can kill a couple hours in a day easily just talking with my best friend or my mom. Both, and I could kill an entire day.
In addition to all of that, my cat will plant herself across my arm as I sit in front of the keyboard, essentially cutting off circulation to my hand, preventing me from typing coherent sentences. This, of course, convinces me to play more video games because I can’t type with both hands, and I don’ t want to interrupt her nap. Yes, I could kick her off. Problem is, she’s 18 now and not long for this world, so I have even more of a tendency to spoil her than I did before. Of course at night there’s a whole new problem…the hubby. I adore him, truly I do…but when I want to work, he wants to talk or watch movies or…well, you know. He’s distracting.
Then there are days like today. If I’m sitting around home…doing nothing, why can’t I work? Sure I’ve got the f-its, but I know, without a doubt, that if I’d gone out to one of my favorite haunts, I would have been productive.
I have tried relocating. We have a 2nd laundry room. When the prior owners of this house were getting up there in years, they decided they weren’t up to trucking laundry up and down the stairs, so they made a tiny laundry room on one side of the garage. Its out of the house, the cat can’t get out there. I even made a pot of decaf coffee and bought some fancy flavored creamer. Nope, didn’t work. Still didn’t get a bloody thing done.
The only time I’m productive is when I’m in a coffee house. Well, I prefer Panera…only because you can buy one cup of coffee for around $2 instead of paying $5 for each cup. And Denny’s…well, I know far too many people who are there and hanging out, being social and all that. I’ll go there if I’m on a tear and Panera is closing…it’s my back-up plan. Either way, there’s no cat or hubby whining for my attention, no chores needing to be done, no tasty treats for me to bake. Its too embarrassing for me to be playing video games (although I will pop into CityVille. As I said, I’m lame), and I take breaks every hour or two to check the Facebook and stuff as well, but I don’t dwell on it because…I’m into it. I plug in my earphones, and go to town. Even when my friend comes along, she and I work well together. We both plug our headphones in and get down to business. I prefer it when she’s around though, because it’s someone to take breaks with, it’s someone to bounce ideas off of, and she is an amazingly inspirational person for me to be around. So I win.
But if I could just get myself into some sort of work-patterns at home…heck I’d have five books done by now. I suppose if I ever do actually get this one finished and published, maybe that will motivate me to work more often, find a way to focus at home.
Either that, or I’ll just be at Panera more often, I guess.