Living Life Extra-Large (and that’s actually saying something!)


It’s been awhile, I know. Not because i haven’t anything to say, quite the contrary. I’ve loads to say. Of course, all these ideas are fighting for space in my head. I’d have twenty posts by now, but I’m afraid no one has won the battle yet. Add that all to the fact that I haven’t had decent internet reception at the house now for about a week, and you’ll understand why my postings have fallen by the wayside.

In the meantime, a brief update.

I’ve been continuing the life-style changes, although I haven’t written about it here so much. When I inspect my reflection each day in the mirror, I can’t say that I’ve observed any real changes. I’m still me. I don’t know what I was expecting, really. Ok, my eyes got a little bigger, which is impossible. Unless I’ve lost weight.

The proof, as they say, is in the pudding. And in looking at my clothes, I have to admit there is a difference. They’re bigger. Much bigger. There was a shirt I’ve had for…oh, ten years or so. It’s one of my favorites. It’s beat-up, and should have been released years ago, but you know how these things are. I put it on, intending to wear it to the grocery store and…well, there’s no way I can wear it out of the house now. There was no way I could wear it without both my bra straps showing. I guess that’s progress.

At first, I told myself they’d always been big. That’s been my “style” for years. Loose-fitting clothes, often bought intentionally one or two sizes too big. I hate “form-fitting” clothing. I don’t feel like I can move in it. As a result, it was hard at first to tell that I was loosing weight. But now, I can actually say that oversized has become too big to wear in public.

Also, a few weeks ago Mousie and I were haunting one of the local resale shops. I found 2 brand new (the fixative was still in them!) gauze cotton skirts and one rayon. They were the kind of skirts I love, and tend to live in all year. But they were all “one size fits most” which hasn’t fit me in at least 6 years. They were only $4 each. I was torn. Mousie, being the artist, has a pretty good eye for things like that, and swore they would fit me. I doubted it, but knowing I was slowly losing weight, I figured they’d be a good investment. If they didn’t fit, they’d fit sooner or later. $4 each was too good to pass up. So without even trying them on, I took them home.

Yep, they fit.

I was elated. I guess my days of 2x and 3x are finally over. I’m into just-plain-x. And that feels pretty good. I’m probably only down to just over my worst weight in high school. Of course, that was one of the low points of my life. And by low, I don’t mean my weight. I mean my overall life. Unlike my parents’ generation, high school was not the best time of my life. My favorite years would have been around 23. I was at my best weight, and was independent and feisty. That’s when hubby and I hooked up.

He’s never been anything but wonderful, that hubby of mine. Despite the fact that I must have gained about 100 pounds over the course of our relationship, never once has he criticized me or made me feel less-than-desirable. In fact, that made dieting before now impossible. You see, it was all “happy fat”. Most people…eat when they’re depressed. You get happy, you stop overeating. Simple. Not me, nope. I was happy, we were happy, and food tastes damn good.

Food still tastes good. I’d be insane to say otherwise. It’s not that I can’t have my favorite foods, I just have to be far more reasonable now. I can have a slice of pizza…not half the pie. I can have a scoop of ice cream, not the entire pint. And not both at the same meal. Probably best not to have them on the same day unless I’ve been excessively active. It’s a compromise, and I’m learning to live with it.

Our refrigerator right now is disgustingly healthy. Not that there aren’t horrible things in it…like Italian sausage, and chicken nuggets, for example. But there’s also grapes, strawberries, blueberries, pears, apples, oranges, salmon burgers, chicken breasts, and a giant bowl of ready-to-go salad that I cut up yesterday. Before I eat anything else, I have a huge salad. I can have all the salad I want, and it cuts down on over-eating all the other scrumptious things. So if I have the salad first…and then the pizza, I’m too full to eat too much of it anyway. I call it the restaurant diet. How many times have you gone to a nice restaurant, eaten all that salad, soup, and bread, only to find you don’t have room for more than 2 bites of your meal? Yep. It works at home, too! 😉

As far as writing goes, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have mutilated most of the end of the book…because I realized the climax wasn’t quite climactic enough. There were 14 chapters. Now I have ten and the end chapter because a lot of 11, 12, and 13 were either incorporated into the reworked chapters or made irrelevant. Which means I’ve got to write from chapter ten to the end. I’m not sure if there will still be fourteen chapters. At this point, it looks like there might only be 12, maybe 13.

It’s funny, because when I originally set up this blog, I had thought I’d write more about my writing. But I’ve found that writing about writing seems…well, counter-productive. I’d rather just write. I also had no idea that I’d be writing so much about religion, diabetes, and my daily life. But at the same time, I’ve found the blogging experience very therapeutic. I’ve met some wonderful people through WordPress as well. Enough that…I’m going crazy without internet at home!!! Grrrr…

At any rate, I’ve got to get to the real writing here. I’m sitting at Panera, again. It’s where I go to write. I can’t get a bloody thing done at home. There are too many distractions there…from the housework I ought to be doing to the cat to the video games. At least at Panera, most of those distractions are eliminated. Oh sure, there’s still Facebook, but that only lasts so long…

MS Word will work with WordPress, so I can write off-line and post to the blog when I get internet. I’m going to try doing that from now on, just to get this stuff out of my head. I need room for other stuff, after all. Eventually, I might even stock-up on posts and date release them so it’s more evenly paced.

In the meantime, please forgive my occasional absences! LOVE YOU ALL! 😀

Back to work. Work will set me free…

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About Camylleon

I don't need gurus, and sure don't want to be one. I'm not here to buy stuff or to sell it. I am just another spiritual wanderer, trying to figure it all out. My blend? A little Santeria, a little Polytheism, a little Spiritism and shake gently. Comments are closed...because I detest drama. I'm not completely anti-social though. If you've got questions, shoot me a email. Camylleon at hotmail dot com...
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5 Responses to Living Life Extra-Large (and that’s actually saying something!)

  1. flyingpoppet says:

    Welcome back! I’ve missed your voice and your insights, but I know all about how other aspects of life get in the way of putting words down on paper (or electronic paper, if you prefer)!

    The weight loss battle — is such a battle! It sounds like you are doing an awesome job at it, though. Keep up the good work! My husband and I are both emotional eaters — we eat when we are sad or stressed…and then eat when we are happy and celebrating, so we are caught both ways. I like your “salad first” idea — we might give that a try! We tend to eat healthy things, but I suspect our proportions are all out of whack and the salad trick might be very helpful.

    I love date-releasing posts when I have enough of them. I need to get to work writing, myself!

    • Camylleon says:

      Wouldn’t you know I say that and I have internet today??? Lol. So it’s back to work for me. I’m going to try the whole date-releasing thing…if I can organize my thoughts and get one or two to come out by themselves without fighting! Sooooo much to say! YIKES!

      The salad-first rule is working for me, but I guess it might not work for everyone. And there’s a BUNCH of other psychological things going on in my head about food now, as well…which will fill an entire blog. Someday. If I ever get it out!

  2. tjfox says:

    Congrats on taking the steps to getting healthier! It is such incredibly hard work, so seeing those little (and after a while, big) rewards in the mirror or in that piece of clothing that is just too big are so wonderfully satisfying. I jumped on my own better choices wagon a few months back and I’m stunned at how far I’ve come and all the changes for the better that are coming right along with that. Keep it up!

    • Camylleon says:

      Thank you! I can’t take all the credit though, because if I had the choice, I never would hvae changed. The truth is, if I hadn’t been diagnosed as diabetic, I’d still be chowwing down. Its early enough that I can still change this…and have come awfully close! So its less about weight loss, and more about staying off of insulin as long as humanly possible. I can’t even say I “hit bottom,” but the fear of the health complications that arise from diabetes…well, that SURE motivated me!!! The weight loss is just an added bonus. Being able to shop for clothes in “normal” sizes will be wonderful when I get there!

      • tjfox says:

        One of the things that has really inspired me and got me rethinking what I do and how I eat was a friend that participated in a health study at work where they focused on mindful eating. There were a lot of things that she brought out of those sessions and shared that got me to really thinking about why I eat and when, about how I eat and also about learning when I’ve really had enough. It was a rather enlightening experience even though I wasn’t the one to partake in the study. Who would have thought that over half the time that I thought I was hungry, I was actually thirsty instead. Talk about eye opening! Whatever the motivation, getting healthier is always a good thing.

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