A few years ago, I received my Cofa. It’s a Santerian thing. At any rate, when you go through this ritual, you receive your sign, and advice to go along with it. Because through this ceremony, you find out something important about yourself. If you accept this guidance, you will be living the good of your sign. If you don’t follow it, you won’t, and things may not go as well for you as you would like. It’s completely your choice, which is one of the things I like about it. Receiving Cofa is no guarantee of a magical life, there is still choice.
One of the “recommendations” (when recommended by Orula, it’s a little stronger than a “recommendation,” but that’s a different story), is that I not “tease the cat to provoke a fight.”
Ok, how did he know?
You see, most people are angered by anger. I think angry people are funny. It’s wrong, I know.
Let’s say I’m driving down the road and some idiot zooms in front of me with out his turn signal because in his moronic mind, I’m not going fast enough. He dashes in and out of traffic, cutting myself and others off in his psychotic need to be ahead of traffic. Most people honk, scream, curse, yell, and flick him the Hawaiian peace sign. Not me. I wait until he gets to the same exact red light the rest of us are stuck at, often right next to me, and I laugh.
Because he’s funny. All that work, all that stress, all that wasted energy to get to the same bloody red light that I casually drove up to. Who’s going to get the heart attack? Not me! Who’s going to get the ticket? Not me! Who’s going to be plagued by accidents? Not me! Who’s insurance is through the roof? Not mine!
I’ll never forget there was one particular asswipe (it is pronounced az-wi-pay…it is French!) who was driving like this through traffic in a very busy city. Hubby was driving his big old truck at the time, we’d just been to an out-of-town hospital for his check up. We were next to him at more than 5 red lights despite his most desperate efforts to get ahead of us. I started clapping. In fact, when we pulled up next to him, or were directly behind him, I made sure that he saw me clapping and laughing at his antics.
I’m sure that didn’t make him any less angry. There is a part of me…a very small, but much kinder and better part of me…that cringes at my behavior. Unfortunately, it’s not the dominant part of my personality.
I have gotten someone kicked off of email lists. I’m not proud of that, and yet I am. It was actually the same person off of two lists. The first list, I didn’t mean for him to get kicked off of. In fact, I had just seen his insult to me and formulated a very careful, politically correct reply only to see that the list owner had already booted the fellow. Too bad. In the next list, when he started a debate, I admittedly stoked the flame. Because he was the kind of person who couldn’t handle debating without losing his temper. On one hand, he was rude, and had single-handedly destroyed most feeling of community in the Pagan/Wiccan circles in the area he lived. Many people had been brought to tears by his thoughtless attacks and need to control. His elimination made for a more polite, kind, interactive email list.
On the other hand, it was fun.
That was before I received my Cofa, and was just one example of how I danced around people with anger issues, only to snicker and laugh.
Yeah, so I’m not supposed to do that anymore.
I still laugh at drivers in traffic, but I don’t point or clap so that they know I’m laughing at them. I’m only human, after all. Maybe I can’t tease the cat, but that doesn’t mean I can’t laugh at it.
I really do have a good heart. There is a lot of compassion and sympathy in my heart and I honestly try to help people as often as I possibly can. Which isn’t often, except perhaps emotionally as it’s not like I’m loaded down with unneeded cash. Most of the people who know me either through this blog or in real life would testify.
To be completely clear, I don’t poke at everyone. I don’t walk around all day trying to outrage people. I don’t even try to annoy people I know and love who have anger issues. I generally leave people alone who have righteous indignation or anger, people who are angry for political or religious reasons, and people who are hurt (which is sometimes hard to tell from people who are angry). In fact, since receiving this guidance I think I have come a long way, fighting this need to play with angry people.
I suppose this post is something by way of a confessional. I will, on occasion, respond to those who have provoked me. I will, on occasion, provoke those who have responded to me. I am only human. I choose to live to positive of my sign, but it is a daily battle not an easy task. Like being an alcoholic…(not literally, I know that’s a much harder, much more life-and-death battle than this)…I have to take this one day at a time. And forgive myself when I backslide, and try…sooooooo hard…to resist the temptation to do it again.