Gnome if You Want to…

So I’ve shared with you all the wonderful po-dunk white trash container garden that I started. You’ll be happy to know it’s doing reasonably well for my first effort…YAY! They are growing, I’m remembering to water them, and they seem to be getting enough daylight. So there is hope. I don’t expect much from my first attempt…I expect to learn. Any actual produce will be an added bonus at this point!

At any rate, we’re slowly reclaiming the yard from the wildlife around us. And let me tell you, that’s been a bit of a battle. The previous owners didn’t do jack squat with their yard…and by that I mean they neglected to the point of destruction. There are trees where there shouldn’t be trees, odd piles of stones and gravel in various places, the ground is too high around the foundation (which led to a basement flood the first few months we lived here), the ground is completely uneven…oh yeah…and as an added bonus, there was a four-foot high, at least ten-foot around “burn pile” in the yard. By burn pile, I mean assorted garbage one should never ever burn. Like old plastic containers and plastic fake grass welcome mats. Yeeeeeuck.

So one of our summer rituals is my hubby’s weekly trips to the hardware stores. He’s in charge of most of the actual battle. You know…the mounds and mounds of ants that seem to think they have more a right to live here than we do? The wasps that build their nests where they always have right next to our bedroom window? The ground squirrels who seem to think it’s their garage? The battle of man vs nature is endless.

On Hubby’s last trip to his personal Mecca (otherwise known as Menard’s), he rediscovered his love of wind chimes. So he bought one…and then decided that since they were on sale we needed more. We now have one on each side of the house…and have given one to each of our fathers. Hubby likes a good sale.

He also brought this fellow back for me…

He’s a cutie, ain’t he? A bit of a slacker tho…but that’s another story.

Thing is, Hubby didn’t know exactly how funny this really is. See, he’s never read the manuscript. In fact, I rarely even discuss it with him. Not because he’s not supportive…in fact, he makes comments about how he knows I’m going to be the next J.K. Rowling. I think not. In fact, I wouldn’t want that title. Nope. Not my goal at all. Point is tho, I haven’t told him anything at all because, well, in an odd way it’s just too personal. Seriously. I’ve always been this way. I never share anything at all with family. I guess I’m weird that way.

Anywhoo…the reason this is so funny? I’ve always rather disliked garden gnomes. They were all the rage a few years back, with books being written about them and all that nonsense. All about their pointy red hats and what they like to eat and all of that. It annoyed me. I’ve always figured if gnomes really did exist, they wouldn’t look a thing like this fellow here.

So in my book I took that to the next level. Because one of the first victims are…yep, garden gnome statues which are being randomly smashed by annoyed bands of actual gnomes.

When this fellow was handed to me, I laughed. A lot. Then I called Mousie up (my alpha-reader) and she laughed. A lot. Hubby is still not in on the joke but I have to admit I have a new-found fondness for garden gnome statues.

This may be the beginning of a very silly collection.






About Camylleon

I don't need gurus, and sure don't want to be one. I'm not here to buy stuff or to sell it. I am just another spiritual wanderer, trying to figure it all out. My blend? A little Santeria, a little Polytheism, a little Spiritism and shake gently. Comments are closed...because I detest drama. I'm not completely anti-social though. If you've got questions, shoot me a email. Camylleon at hotmail dot com...
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7 Responses to Gnome if You Want to…

  1. Aubs Tea says:

    It’s really creepy that you write about gnomes the day after my friend’s mother’s forty-strong gnome collection was stolen out of her yard.

  2. Kee says:

    I love it!

    My father has a hatred of those pink plastic yard flamingos. His reason? He once stole a neighbor’s flamingo and painted it bright blue with flaming orange polka-dots, then put it back. They were so annoyed by it’s new coloration, they threw it away. I asked him why he did it that way. His words exactly:

    “Because the last time I stole it and threw it out, they just bought another one.”

    Way to go dad, way to go. =P

    • Camylleon says:

      After posting this, I had a conversation with some friends of mine. One of them told the story of stealing *every single* lawn ornament they could find in town…and arranging them all to stare at the front door of some strangers’ house. The things people do…!

      The flamingos lost their allure to me when the companies began selling them en mass…you can get someone’s yard “flamingoed”…meaning they’ll bring 40 flamingoes for a 40th birthday party & cover the yard when they’re not home or asleep…

      However, it might be fun to do that for your father’s next birthday? But I guess only if you can get them blue with orange dots…lol

      • Kee says:

        That’s funny, I’d love to have seen the person’s face when they came outside, and every lawn ornament was staring them down. I think I would have slammed the door, called out of work and gone back to bed! And yeah, that’s not a bad idea… I think dad’s wife might get a little angry about it though. =P

  3. journeymaid says:

    Try googling “zombie garden gnomes”…. =D

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